random rumination on complaints

[lotsofplants]

Ever notice that some people are fixated on and constantly complaining about the same flaw in others? That everyone they know is always late, or something like that? Ever notice that what the person complains about is frequently a problem they have, and hate, and may not want to admit?

It's always struck me as ironic that the things I'm most annoyed by in other people, the faults I see so clearly and which get under my skin so quickly, are frequently those things that annoy me about myself. For instance, I tend to complain about people being late and being messy. I'm constantly struggling with being on time (as anyone who's ever exchanged e-mail with me will attest) and frustrated with my tendency to pile things instead of putting them away. And already being half-irritated with myself, I'm much more likely to be irked at another for it.

Makes you wonder about people who are violently anti-homosexual or loudly complain about someone's eating habits or make a lot of accusations of unfaithfulness, hmmm?

Comments

[jadine.livejournal.com]

I tend to do the opposite. I'm often late, so I excuse others for being late. I pile up clutter, so I don't get upset at others' clutter.

It doesn't work with everything, though. My partner and I are both stubborn, and that drives me nuts!

[plantae.livejournal.com]

Minor clarification. I have not observed that I/people become angry with others if they share my/their faults.

The observation was supposed to be that when one becomes unduly or excessively angry with the faults of another, one is often suffering from the same, and hidden, fault.

But I could be wrong. :)

[randomdreams.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of the opposite, too, like jadine -- it's because I'm a fairly tidy person that I notice and get frustrated by messy roommates.

I have a really gruesome theory about anti-homosexuality (I thought I'd told you about it.) I think many men think of themselves as potential rapists and meeting someone who is homosexual makes them feel like potential rape victims instead, hence the furious, violent anger directed against male homosexuality that is not directed against female homosexuality.
(there are many, many, many other factors but this is one I haven't seen discussed elsewhere.)

[ilmarinen.livejournal.com]

Actually seen this theory in at least one other place (I think a magazine article). I think it holds a lot of truth, although I tend to restate it a bit. I will not be coherent right now as it is way too late. But, basically, our culture has a zero-sum game attitude about sex--and that is about taking something from another, or doing something to another, for your own gratification. At the extreme level, this is manifested as rape. At the "socially acceptable" level it is the ideal that a guy gets a woman to "give it up" in exchange for the least hassle and commitment. It is about 'screwing-over' someone else. (The is a reason those various verbs for the act have that meaning.) And so, yes, men feel uncomfortable thinking about other men seeing them as targets for this kind of behavior. (Men also expect and treat other men as physical threats, whereas women are not supposed to be physically threatening.)

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

I've found that in almost anything that's hated violently, there is a strong element of fear involved.